Last weekend, I had a friend go through a breakup. Although she hasn’t been the greatest friend in the past, I still wanted to help her in the best way I could. Now, I am definitely not an expert on breakups, especially when a friend is not very christian and the typical godly responses of “God’s got you” and “God removed him from your life because he has someone better” just won’t do. I found myself really struggling to show empathy for her during this time.

Recently, I have noticed that although I want to express empathy for others, it is something that sometimes does not come very naturally to me. I have been on my own for a longer time now, so I really struggled to see things from her perspective. My friend lived with this man. She owned a dog with this man. She thought he was her forever. I am so far removed and healed from the time in my life where I thought I was dating the person I thought was my forever. For my friend, that was a huge adjustment to her life. It was stressful, and she felt isolated from her friends. As a friend, all I could do was pray and offer some hobby suggestions to get her mind off of him. We also went to dinner and I listened.

Back to the showing empathy. I was very convicted of a lot of my thoughts when she would mention the breakup. Some of the thoughts were things like “It’s really not a huge deal” and “She’ll survive.” But putting it into her perspective, this is a huge lifestyle change. She had to move back in with her dad, so she lost that independence. She now does not have the one person that she told everything to. He kept the dog, so she misses her dog. She was right in the middle of shifting her career, so there’s uncertainty there. All these things add up to a really hard trial in her life. A really hard transition.

I learned that my heart is experiencing a lot of spiritual warfare, because how dare I struggle to be there for a friend in need. Expressing empathy should come naturally… so why isn’t it? A quick google search will tell me that I may be lacking empathy because I am burnt out, stressed, or have experienced trauma. Let’s look at what God says about empathy.

As a christian, we are called to be like Jesus. Jesus is deeply empathetic. In Hebrews 4 verse 15, the bible says “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are–yet he did not sin.” In John 11 verse 35, “Jesus wept” over the death of a woman. Empathy is a common theme throughout the stories of the bible.

In Romans 12:15, followers are instructed to “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” My friend was and currently still is mourning the loss of her relationship. We are called to bear the burdens of others. In Galatians 6:2 it states, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” If a friend is experiencing a burden, we should be carrying it with them, not just feeling sorry for them.

Divine empathy involves being selfless, and looking at the well-being and needs of others. In Philippians 2, is talks about “not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others” It also includes showing compassion by cultivating a heart that is tender, kind, humble, and patient. We are God’s chosen people, dearly loved. Colossians 3 talks all about how we are supposed to live and act as a Christian.

To finish this post off, I want to pray for anyone reading this right now…

“Lord, I pray that the person on the other side of the screen learns to show empathy for their friends and family. I pray that you soften their heart so they can be less self-seeking to allow them to be there for the people they love. Teach them and show them the best way to empathize with others, so they can have a deeper relationship with you and the people you put into their life

In Jesus name, Amen”